LegalGenie

I’m getting my tattoos removed.

Uh, yeah. I fail at life.

I have three tattoos – the Chinese character for “good news” on my left foot, the Chinese character for “love” on my right foot, and the Korean national flower in full bloom right in the center of my back.

I got the tattoos on my feet during my sophomore year in college as a sort of milestone—to mark the year that I finally felt firm in my spiritual beliefs, the year that I really mended my relationship with my older brother, and the year that I “dropped out of college” to do something crazy—to move to Japan, live off of donations, and be a friend to anyone who needed one.

While I was there, I got the third piece to mark another anomaly in my life: my hatred of Koreans (well, I don’t really hate Koreans.  Not all of them.  I myself am Korean.  Which is what makes the anomaly).  To this day, I really can’t understand or accept certain aspects of Korean culture.  But the art on my back reminds me that no matter how much I hate on the Koreans, I can’t forget or erase the fact that I am Korean, that being Korean is a beautiful thing.

But bottom line, no matter how well thought-out tattoos are, there are a lot of people in society who will always associate tattoos with crime, immaturity, drug use, promiscuity, etc.  None of those impressions fare well in the legal profession.

Anyways. Moving on to the removal part.

I really never thought I would get my tattoos removed.  That’s why I got them—because they’re not easily removed.  But since entering law school, I got three signs from God saying “Maybe you should call Dr. Tattoff…”

1) One of my bosses doesn’t really look me in the eye when speaking to me–the focus is on my feet. (Mind you, I always wear a pantsuit, so maybe she’s trying to sneak a peek…)

2) At a family wedding, my uncle gave me a look like “What??? Genie??? Tattoo???? I would never have thought…” Same with a younger cousin who was literally speechless when he discovered that his supposedly straight-edge, conservative cousin had been inked for several years.

3) At school, I’ve received a few comments to the extent of “Were you a gangbanger in a previous life?”

That last one sealed the deal.  What law firm wants to hire a former gangbanger, right?

So I called Dr. Tattoff.

This is the clinic run by Dr. 90210 himself, located in Beverly Hills.  I was actually surprised at its affordability–I thought the bill would run well into the thousands, but for the size of my tattoos, they quoted me at around $500-$700.  They also gave me a competitive price since I mentioned that I was considering going to another clinic for a second opinion.

In total, they estimated that it would take about 13 sessions to completely remove my tattoos as (1) they were professionally done, and are thus set deeper into the skin; and (2) I have Asian skin, meaning it’s more sensitive and that they can’t use their highest power laser.

Let me tell you, it hurts like *@&#^$(*@&#^(*$#@$.  For a week after, my feet were uncomfortably swollen and tender, and the tattoo became blistered and bumpy and gross.  Now that it’s finally healed, my feet are constantly itchy and in need of lotion, and whaddayaknow, they don’t look lighter or even vaguely “removed” at all.

Updates to follow.

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